


Envy

by purgatoan



Series: Week Of Writing Challenge (7 Deadly Sins) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:59:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8982886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: You notice that Dean acts differently since Cas was taken by Amara and you try to figure out why.





	

You woke up, your eyes opening slowly, and you reached out your hand to the other side of the bed. Just like you assumed, it was empty. Again. Since more than a week, you’ve slept alone because Dean was constantly searching for some clues on how to save Cas. It was starting to annoy you. The angel was your friend too, after all, and you needed someone to assure you that he was going to be okay. Unfortunately, your boyfriend had other things on mind.

Sighing, you got up and slowly walked to the library, flinching every time your feet touched the cold surface. When you got into the room you saw Dean sitting at the table, a book in his hands. He looked like someone just pulled him out of a dumpster. His hair was messy, his clothes wrinkled, and you could bet that he didn’t shower yesterday.

“Dean, why didn’t you sleep tonight with me?” you asked, sitting across him.

“Oh, hi sweetheart.” he smiled softly and rubbed his eyes. “I can’t fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes I see that bitch taking Cas with her.” Hurt was audible in his voice and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He knew Cas a lot longer than you, no wonder he was devastated.

“I get it but I want to spend some time with you too. I need you, honey.” you said, taking his hand in yours.

“Right. ‘Cause you can’t wait ‘till we get Cas out of this mess.” he pushed your hand away and came back to doing the research.

“What the hell? I’m your girlfriend for God’s sake! I’m not asking for impossible, just a few minutes away from this madness.” you growled, anger and rejection making your voice shake.

“Like it or not but I won’t stop looking for a solution just because you want me to!” he shouted, slamming the book shut.

“Really? I’m just asking you to take a break. Is it too much? Or maybe Cas is more important than me?” you asked, words slipping from your mouth in the most inappropriate moment.

“What do you mean, exactly? I just want my best friend back!” 

“Are you sure? ‘Cause I heard different stories about you and “your angel”.” you said and immediately regretted it.

“So what? Maybe he’s more like a family than a friend to me, I don’t care. I need you and I need him. What’s wrong with that, huh?” he asked, blushing slightly.

“You don’t care, right? Well, maybe I do ‘cause I’m done with it. Sort your shit out, Winchester. I can stand your weird connection with Amara but it’s either me or him.” you stated, tired with this situation.

“You can’t be serious. I know you for how long? One year? And you think that I’ll abandon Cas for you?” he shouted, making tears appear in the corners of your eyes. “Who do you think you are that you want to give me orders? I’m not gonna stop looking for a solution and, right now, sleep isn’t on my to-do list. So, let me work.” he said, standing up from the chair and looking you straight in the eyes.

“Oh, come on. Just admit that I was only a cover. You were always pining for Cas and, now that he’s gone, you can’t forgive yourself that you didn’t tell him what you feel.” you stated, finally realising that you were wrong when you thought he could be yours forever. “You’re always gonna choose him or Sam over me.”

“I wish I could lie to you but you’re right. I’m always gonna choose them over you and I ain’t sorry for that. I thought you’d understand because it was always like that. I chose Sammy and Cas over goddamn world thousand times.” he said, walking towards you.

“I know. Just admit it, okay. I need to hear this so I can go in peace. Are you in love with Cas?” you asked, his gaze focused on the floor in front of him.

“Oh, give me a break. What do you want me to do? Talk about my feelings for him?”

“Maybe? If you think there are some, then sure.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest and waited for his answer.

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t care if I’m with agirl or a guy. Both fine by me. Cas said the other day something along the lines that he’s indifferent to a sexual orientation. And there was always a thing between us two I can’t quite describe it. It just ain’t a freakin’ romance.” he responded, realising how pathetic it sounded. How could an angel be in love with him? Broken, flawed and damned human.

“I get it. Just, talk to me. I’d rather know why it is how it is.” you took a deep breath and dragged Dean with you so you both could sit comfortably. He hid his face in his hands and didn’t move for a while, obviously thinking about what to say. How to explain everything and not hurt you.

“Okay. He was always my hero. I know it may sound stupid but I owe him everything and more. This son of a bitch dragged me out from the freakin’ hell. And he’s the only person, except for Sam, that understands my life and knows what I’ve been through.” he admitted, trying not to sound like all those stupid people in love. Love never eneded well in Dean’s life.

“I know that. You were always there for him and he was always there for you.” you said, propping your head on your hands.

“Right. I never thought about it but when Amara appeared I was sure that the destiny, or whatever the hell does that crap, will make me ache for her, like it always did. Except that it didn’t happen when Cas was around. It was, I’m not sure, like his presence was making it fade? And I only thought about him, then. That I didn’t want to see him hurt.” his voice cracked and you rested your hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I knew about it earlier so I didn’t have to confront you about it right now.” you admitted sincerely, trying to be strong for him. You stil loved him after all.

“No, I owe you an explanation, Y/N. I should have told you about… “ he hesitated for a moment and continued. “About my feelings for Cas. But it won’t matter anymore if I don’t find a way to get him back.”

“How about I’ll help you with the research? I can leave once he’s back.” you offered, swallowing a lump in your throat and giving him a fake smile.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. But it’d mean the world for me if you could dig through all these books with me” he looked at you, his eyes watery and sad.

“I am. I’ll go back to my hometown and start over. It’s gonna be fun, really. Then, let’s get back to work.” you cleared your throat and opened the nearest book, starting to read it.

“Thank you for this. And, yeah, let’s bring that idiot home.” even if you wanted, you couldn’t walk away immediately. You had to make sure that they were going to be happy together and then, you could let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posting from Tumblr, it's an oldie :)


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